My tendency to default into this mindset has to do with my upbringing in a church that teaches number two: "Attempting to be justified by one's own works." My doctrinal misconceptions in this area were corrected many years ago, but like the Galatians before me (Galatians 3:3), I keep trying to resort to human effort in my sanctification. Paul makes it very clear that the same Spirit who effected our salvation effects our sanctification.
I have been thinking about these things in recent weeks since I recommitted to the Radical Plan and commenced the One Month to Live study. There is a very interesting phenomenon that takes place in me when I am faced with plans or programs such as these. My flesh loves a list of things to do, and I usually embark on such projects with great enthusiasm, but I never completely follow through with them. I usually give up pretty quickly.
It just came to me that this is an act of grace on God's part. The way he drew me to Himself into a real, legitimate relationship was by letting me go through a period of giving up on trying to live the Christian life. I couldn't do it. At that time, the reason why I couldn't do it was that I was in bondage to sin and error, and I had no concept of how the Holy Spirit operates and empowers believers. He allowed me to live for a time in a way that eliminated any question as to whether or not I needed Jesus, and He removed all ingrained misconceptions that there was anything good in me or that I could do anything to save myself.
Likewise, any time I embark on one of my "adventures in the flesh," I am never successful. When I finished reading Radical, I sat down immediately to make out my plan and subsequently shared it here. I knew that I needed to pray about how to carry out certain components of the plan, but I did not take the time to pray about whether God would have me participate at all. I mean, how could he NOT want me to be radically sold out to Jesus?! However, in recent weeks, as I have not lived up to the goals I set for myself, and as I have experienced all of the guilt and disappointment a performance-driven person in whose mind the devil makes his playground is likely to experience, God has lovingly conveyed to me that He is not asking me to follow a plan in a book. I'm already pretty radical. And what makes me radical is not only that I love Jesus, but that my greatest desire is to love Him a whole lot more!
As for One Month to Live, the same thing pretty much goes. I was asked to lead the study because I am a teacher, and I agreed because I love to teach. However, it has been clear in the past week or so that I had no business taking this on right now. (I have discussed this with my group.) I did pray about it, but probably not like I should have. But more importantly, I should know myself well enough by now to realize that this type of thing doesn't work well for me. Because of my background, and despite the tendencies of my flesh, I usually have a knee-jerk reaction to externally imposed guidelines for spiritual conduct. Interesting contradiction, eh? On the one hand I love to make a list, and on the other hand, I can't keep it!
The spiritual endeavors in which I have been successful are ones that have been clearly ordained by God and that I have undertaken with the conviction that I am obeying His will. Teaching our Sunday School class, directing Rachel's House, giving up sugar and improving my eating habits, exercising regularly, and undertaking Dr. Horner's Bible reading program are examples. The following excerpt from the September ninth entry of My Utmost for His Highest relates well to my situation:
This is a day when practical work is overemphasized, and the saints who are bringing every project into captivity are criticized and told that they are not in earnest for God or for souls. True earnestness is found in obeying God, not in the inclination to serve Him that is born of undisciplined human nature. It is inconceivable, but true nevertheless, that saints are not bringing every project into captivity, but are doing work for God at the instigation of their own human nature which has not been spiritualized by determined discipline.In the future, I hope to bring every project into captivity.
Thank you for sharing this, Katy. I find it true, too, that the path God lays for me is infinitely more successful than my own plans ~ and not just for me, but often more so for others' benefit. Aren't we just in process?
ReplyDelete"I usually give up pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteIt just came to me that this is an act of grace on God's part. The way he drew me to Himself into a real, legitimate relationship was by letting me go through a period of giving up on trying to live the Christian life."
Profoundly true!