Two-Month Retrospective

The Lord woke me up early on Monday morning. He used my daughter to do it, but I know it was Him. I can't remember ever being wide awake at 4:00 am, but I was that day. I soon realized that it was the twenty-seventh—exactly two months since my husband, Brent, had been critically injured in an attempted robbery at the bank where he works. As I lay there, I started enumerating the things I have learned from this experience, and I want to share some of them with you here.

For the reader or two who may not be aware of what I am talking about... On the morning of October 27, Brent arrived at the bank where he works to find a gunman in his office holding his close friend and co-worker, Matt, hostage. The gunman's intention was to rob the bank, but Matt and Brent arrived earlier than he anticipated and foiled his plan. The vault is on a timer, and the loan officers do not have access to the code to open the vault. Otherwise, they would have gladly accommodated him!

In the events that followed, Brent was gun butted in the head, suffered a dislocated shoulder, and was shot through both thighs with what we later learned was a .357 Magnum. Miraculously, the bullet hit no bones, nerves, or blood vessels. After seeing the entry and exit locations of the bullet in Brent's right leg, one doctor said that it was "an act of God" that the bullet did not hit his femoral artery. Thankfully, Matt suffered no physical injuries. However, he had been held at gunpoint for nearly thirty minutes before Brent arrived. We are confident that Matt's actions that morning saved Brent's life.

Brent's recovery and return to normalcy have been miraculous. He will always have scars and aches and pains as a result of the physical injuries he sustained, but it could have been so much worse, and we are thankful that it was not. Anyone who believes in the sovereignty of God understands that there is a purpose in the circumstances He allows in our lives, and that being the case, we should always be attentive to what He is trying to teach us through our experiences. I know that there are things I will never understand this side of heaven, but where I can know and understand, I want to be faithful to use the lessons I have learned to grow as follower of Jesus Christ. As I told a friend of mine, I do not want to go back to being who I was before this happened.

That being said, following are some of the things I have learned through this experience:

1. How you react to and handle circumstances largely determines how your children will react to and handle them.

Brent actually called me himself that morning to let me know what had happened. (He neglected to tell me that he thought he was bleeding to death!) He calmly and very succinctly told me there had been an attempted robbery, he had been shot in the leg (no "s"!), and to meet him at the emergency room. After making a few phone calls, during which I was quite shaken, I was able to calmly communicate to my children what had happened, that I had talked to Daddy myself, and that he was fine. We then sat on the floor together, and I prayed. Before I had finished, my friend Bronwyn had arrived to take charge of the children, and her husband, Philip soon took me to the hospital.

Bronwyn took the children on to school, and later, my mom arrived in town and took them back to our home with her. She told me a about their conversations that day. The children had many questions, and they were somewhat fearful that first night, but by the time we came home the following evening, they seemed to be fine. They still occasionally ask if the robber has been caught (He has not.), but they do not seem fearful or to have otherwise been affected. We have not tried to hide the truth from them, and we take every opportunity we can to glorify the Lord before them. I believe that, like for us, this experience has strengthened their faith.

2. His grace IS sufficient.

My children have handled these circumstances so well because I have handled them so well, and that has been by the grace of God. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a crier. I am not easily emotionally manipulated, but if there is genuine emotion to be experienced in a situation, I am likely to experience it. I have often wondered what people sitting around me in church think of me, I am so prone to tears. However, beyond shedding a few tears while making phone calls that morning and reacting to the doctor's report at the emergency room, I did not cry at all. I was amazingly calm. I never questioned why this had happened to us. I rested completely in the sovereign will and unfailing love of the Father, and He was faithful. I can now say with confidence that I have known the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

3. Grown men still cry.

I was extremely touched by the number of men who expressed their love and concern for Brent. The visits, phone calls, text messages, emails, cards, and Facebook postings encouraged him and kept him occupied during the days he was not able to be up and about. Not a few of our male visitors wept openly upon seeing Brent for the first time after the shooting. Many of them prayed with him. Brent is a very quiet and reserved man, so it is easy for him to assume that he doesn't have that many friends. This experienced has proven otherwise.

4. Do not underestimate or undervalue the Body of Christ.

When I refer to the Body of Christ, I don't just mean our home church, I mean fellow believers throughout our community and the people they are in contact with all over the world. Hundreds of people we don't even know were praying for us, and we could tell! (See number two, above.) People we barely know sent cards and brought over meals. When we started getting out again, Brent was hugged and encouraged wherever we went. I have never felt so loved in my life as I was during this time that, in human terms, should have been unbearably difficult. God places his children in the Body for our benefit and His glory, and when we neglect His design and our place in it, we shortchange ourselves and the potential for blessing.

5. There are no insignificant acts of grace.

I can't take credit for that pithy phrase. I heard it first from my pastor several years ago, and I never forgot it. It has proven especially true in recent months. I think people, myself included, often don't do anything to minister to people in crisis because we don't know what to do, and we don't know what to say. Brent and I have learned that it doesn't really matter. Just being there is what matters. There were a number of people who drove to Savannah to the trauma center and just sat in the waiting room, never able to see Brent, but we knew they were there. We had visitors that I would have never expected. They often didn't say very much. They certainly didn't attempt to wax eloquent or philosophize on the situation. One woman whom I had only met once or twice and whose daughter was in a coma on another floor in the same hospital came down to speak to me and gave me all of the money in her pocket so I could buy a Diet Coke. Just letting someone know that you are there and that you care, matters.

I have learned some other things that I won't share here, and as time goes by, I'm sure God will reveal more, but for now, I want to be faithful to the spirit of II Corinthians 1: 3-7:

³Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ⁶If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. ⁷Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

You have shared in our sufferings. I hope that through what I have written here you will share in our comfort.

Current Favorite

This song really speaks to my experience. I love it!

The Way to Rest for the Heart

I am currently reading The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer. Following is a passage from the book that will encourage you. Tozer quotes Isaiah 42:16 and 45:2-3 in this text.

To believe actively that our Heavenly Father constantly spreads around us providential circumstances that work for our present good and our everlasting well-being brings to the soul a veritable benediction. Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never quite being certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.

There is a better way. It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God. Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress. God has charged Himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over management of our lives the moment we turn to faith in Him. Here is His promise: "And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will do unto them, and not forsake them."

Let Him lead thee blindfold onwards,
Love needs not to know;
Children whom the Father leadeth
Ask not where they go.
Though the path be all unknown,
Over moors and mountains lone.
--Gerhard Tersteegen

God constantly encourages us to trust Him in the dark. "I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron: and I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by name, and the God of Israel."

It is heartening to learn how many of God's mighty deeds were done in secret, away from the prying eyes of men or angels. When God created the heavens and the earth, darkness was upon the face of the deep. When the Eternal Son became flesh, He was carried for a time in the darkness of the sweet virgin's womb. When He died for the life of the world, it was in the darkness seen by no one at the last. When he arose from the dead, it was "very early in the morning." No one saw Him rise. It is as if God were saying, "What I am is all that need matter to you, for there lie your hope and peace. I will do what I will do, and it will all come to light at last, but how I do it is My secret. Trust Me, and be not afraid."

With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack? Surely we are the most favored of all creatures.

Piper Sermons on Love in I Corinthians 13

Last week in class, I read from a couple of John Piper sermons to help us better understand the characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13. As promised, following are the links to those sermons.

What Love Does and Does Not Do

Dying as a Means of Loving, Part 2

Grace Note

I took this photo at George L. Smith State Park on November 20, 2010. The park includes a 412-acre cypress lake. That morning, as I was reading Isaiah and occasionally looking out the windows at the lake, I encountered Isaiah 55:13:

Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the LORD,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

There is no way that it was a coincidence that I read this passage while overlooking a 412-acre cypress lake. I never cease to be amazed by God's unfailing love and the evidences of his grace in everyday life.

Speaking of God's unfailing love or "chesed," Michelyn directed me to this post last week. Don't miss it!

Reading Habits

I try to read three blogs on a regular basis: (1) Desiring God Blog, with which you should be familiar since I link to it regularly, (2) Challies.com, and (3) Ligonier Ministries Blog. The first two are very accessible for the lay person. The third can be pretty intellectual, but it is worth the effort. I confess that I skip the occasional Ligonier post that is beyond my ability to adequately concentrate.

Out of all three of these blogs and the variety of contributors they include, my consistent favorite is Paul Tripp. He posts at Desiring God Blog, and his writing always blesses me. You can find his most recent post, "The Shortest Distance Between Points," here. Click on his name at the top of the post to read more of his posts. Tripp is also the author of many well-respected books, including The Age of Opportunity, a parenting book that I strongly recommend. Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands and War of Words are on my Amazon wish list.

Free Book Opportunity

Here is a link for a free book: Revolution in World Missions. There is a video endorsement by Francis Chan. From past experience, you will probably be added to the ministry mailing list as a result of requesting the book, but from the looks of it, it will most likely be worth it.

Redirect: 11-26-10

Following are some exceptional posts I have read in recent days that I feel compelled to share with you. Click on the titles to go directly to the posts.

From Tim Challies: Manna in the Morning

From Desiring God: The Grace of God in Our Circumstances: Why You Weren't Born as an Impoverished Child in an Unreached Nation

From Desiring God: What are the Three Most Disturbing Words on TV?

From Desiring God: Money, Stuff, and God Will Never Leave You

How to Journal

Next year, our church will be reading through the Bible and using the journaling process outlined in the book, Divine Mentor. More information can be found on this page. I have been using the approach for the past several days, and I really like it. Following is my journal page from today. I encourage you to give it a try. And please prayerfully consider signing up to read through the Bible along with our body. It would be great if we could occasionally discuss as a class what God is teaching us through our reading together. (Click on the journal page for a larger view.)

Blackaby on Spiritual Gifts

Following are a few paragraphs from the passage I read in class yesterday from Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and Claude King (Chapter 6: God is at Work Around You)...

Many people long for God to do a significant work in their life. However, they try to bypass the love relationship. The love relationship is why God created you. That is far more important to Him than what you do for Him. Anticipate that the first thing God will do in your life is to draw you into an intimate love relationship with Himself. When your relationship with God is as it should be, He will begin giving you assignments at His initiative. Whenever it seems that God is not doing anything fresh in your life, focus on the love relationship and stay there until God gives you a new assignment.

If God merely provided us with a gift, we would tend to place our confidence in the gift rather than in Him. But since the Holy Spirit does the work through us, we must continually rely upon our relationship with Him if we are to be effective in the ministry He gives us.

Keep your attention on God's call to an assignment rather than on your spiritual gifts, personal desires, skills, abilities, or resources. Once you understand God's call to an assignment, obey Him, and He will work through you to accomplish His divine eternal purposes.

Spiritual Gifts

This morning in class we discussed spiritual gifts. Here is a sermon from John Piper that complements Dr. Blackaby's position very nicely. Both pastors emphasize God's call and His equipping through the Spirit for the purpose of building up the body, rather than focusing on the gifts themselves.

Living Sacrifices

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Romans 12: 1

God has been asking me to give some things up. He's been asking for some time, but I have been resisting, making excuses, looking for evidence to the contrary, thinking wishfully. However, a few weeks ago, He made himself very plain. First, in the following passage from Praying God's Will for Your Life by Stormie Omartian, which was shared with me by my friend, Amy...

...a time comes when each of us must place our desires and dreams in the hands of God so that He might free us from those that are not His will. In other words, you secure your future by realeasing your dream to God and, if need be, allowing it to die. If you've always had a certain picture of what you think you should do, you have to be willing to let that picture be destroyed. If it really is what God has for you, He will raise you up to do that and more. If it isn't, you will be frustrated as long as you cling to it.

Often the desires of your heart are the desires of His heart, but they still must be achieved His way, not yours, and you must know that it is He who is accomplishing them in you, not achieving them yourself. God wants us to stop holding on to our dreams and start holding on to Him so that He can enable us to soar above ourselves and our own limitations. Whenever we let go of what we long for, God will bring it back to us in another dimension.

Then, the very next day, I read this blog post at Desiring God. Please read it. It is another very short post, and you will be blessed.

The bottom line is this: God doesn't ask us to give things up in order to be cruel or to punish us. He asks us to give them up because they are distracting us from our relationship with Him or because they are lesser things. Lesser things are not bad in and of themselves, but they have little or no eternal value, and they take time away from more profitable pursuits.

Yesterday, I read Isaiah 56, and the phrase "who chose the things that please me" has stuck in my mind ever since. Lord, enable me to always choose the things that please You.

Prayer Answered by Crosses

In light of the recent events in my life (of which more will be written later), Michelyn sent me a link to the following poem yesterday. I thought that it would be an encouragement to you as well.

Prayer Answered by Crosses
By John Newton

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace, 

Might more of his salvation know, 

And seek more earnestly his face.

‘Twas he who taught me thus to pray; 

And he, I trust, has answered prayer; 

But it has been in such a way 

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favoured hour, 

At once he’d answer my request, 

And by his love’s constraining power 

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel 

The hidden evils of my heart, 

And let the angry powers of hell 

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe, 

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, 

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this? I trembling cried; 

Wilt thou pursue this worm to death? 

This is the way, the Lord replied
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I now employ 

From self and pride to set thee free,
And break thy schemes of earthly joy, 

That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

God's Handiwork

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
—Psalm 19:1

Photo: Sunset over the Sapelo River. September 4, 2010.

Bringing Every Project Into Captivity

I am 41 years old, and I ask myself on a regular basis how long I am going to have to keep learning the same lessons over and over again. The particular lesson that is on my mind right now relates to my ongoing struggle with legalism. If you are not familiar with what this word means, there is a great explanation here. Number three is the sticker for me: "Attempting to be sanctified by one's own works."

My tendency to default into this mindset has to do with my upbringing in a church that teaches number two: "Attempting to be justified by one's own works." My doctrinal misconceptions in this area were corrected many years ago, but like the Galatians before me (Galatians 3:3), I keep trying to resort to human effort in my sanctification. Paul makes it very clear that the same Spirit who effected our salvation effects our sanctification.

I have been thinking about these things in recent weeks since I recommitted to the Radical Plan and commenced the One Month to Live study. There is a very interesting phenomenon that takes place in me when I am faced with plans or programs such as these. My flesh loves a list of things to do, and I usually embark on such projects with great enthusiasm, but I never completely follow through with them. I usually give up pretty quickly.

It just came to me that this is an act of grace on God's part. The way he drew me to Himself into a real, legitimate relationship was by letting me go through a period of giving up on trying to live the Christian life. I couldn't do it. At that time, the reason why I couldn't do it was that I was in bondage to sin and error, and I had no concept of how the Holy Spirit operates and empowers believers. He allowed me to live for a time in a way that eliminated any question as to whether or not I needed Jesus, and He removed all ingrained misconceptions that there was anything good in me or that I could do anything to save myself.

Likewise, any time I embark on one of my "adventures in the flesh," I am never successful. When I finished reading Radical, I sat down immediately to make out my plan and subsequently shared it here. I knew that I needed to pray about how to carry out certain components of the plan, but I did not take the time to pray about whether God would have me participate at all. I mean, how could he NOT want me to be radically sold out to Jesus?! However, in recent weeks, as I have not lived up to the goals I set for myself, and as I have experienced all of the guilt and disappointment a performance-driven person in whose mind the devil makes his playground is likely to experience, God has lovingly conveyed to me that He is not asking me to follow a plan in a book. I'm already pretty radical. And what makes me radical is not only that I love Jesus, but that my greatest desire is to love Him a whole lot more!

As for One Month to Live, the same thing pretty much goes. I was asked to lead the study because I am a teacher, and I agreed because I love to teach. However, it has been clear in the past week or so that I had no business taking this on right now. (I have discussed this with my group.) I did pray about it, but probably not like I should have. But more importantly, I should know myself well enough by now to realize that this type of thing doesn't work well for me. Because of my background, and despite the tendencies of my flesh, I usually have a knee-jerk reaction to externally imposed guidelines for spiritual conduct. Interesting contradiction, eh? On the one hand I love to make a list, and on the other hand, I can't keep it!

The spiritual endeavors in which I have been successful are ones that have been clearly ordained by God and that I have undertaken with the conviction that I am obeying His will. Teaching our Sunday School class, directing Rachel's House, giving up sugar and improving my eating habits, exercising regularly, and undertaking Dr. Horner's Bible reading program are examples. The following excerpt from the September ninth entry of My Utmost for His Highest relates well to my situation:

This is a day when practical work is overemphasized, and the saints who are bringing every project into captivity are criticized and told that they are not in earnest for God or for souls. True earnestness is found in obeying God, not in the inclination to serve Him that is born of undisciplined human nature. It is inconceivable, but true nevertheless, that saints are not bringing every project into captivity, but are doing work for God at the instigation of their own human nature which has not been spiritualized by determined discipline.

In the future, I hope to bring every project into captivity.

Finding Rest

For several weeks now, I have been asking my Sunday School class and Wednesday night small group to pray for me that I would learn how to abide in Christ (John 15:1-11). Interestingly enough, and as is usually the case, I keep "stumbling upon" resources to help me in my pursuit of abiding. Here is a great related article I found at my favorite blog, Desiring God. It's really short, so don't pass it up!

You are an Object of God's Delight

Live your daily life in the full consciousness of being righteous in God's sight, an object of delight and pleasure in Christ. Connect every view you have of Christ in His other graces with this first one: of God, He is made to you righteousness. This will keep you in perfect peace. Thus, you will enter into, and dwell in, the rest of God, So will your inmost being be transformed into being righteous and doing righteousness. In your heart and life it will become manifest where you dwell; abiding in Jesus Christ, the Righteous One, you will share His position, His character, His blessedness: "Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness; therefore God, thy God, hath annointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows" (Ps. 45:7). Joy and gladness above measure will be your portion.

From Abide in Christ
By Andrew Murray

On Being Aliens and Strangers

I am currently leading a small group for the One Month to Live (OMTL) program at our church. When we met last Wednesday evening to discuss the week's lesson, one of the series of questions that was posed was as follows:

Read Philippians 3:20 and I Peter 2:11. Discuss what these passages say about the true home of all believers. Why are words like "citizenship," "aliens." and "strangers" used? What implications does this have on how we spend our lives here on this earth? In light of our heavenly citizenship, how are we to conduct ourselves as residents on this earth?

In my attempt to make the question relevant, I used an illustration that got us off track, and I was ultimately dissatisfied with how I handled the discussion. Therefore, I would like to clarify myself here rather than spend additional time on the topic next week. I think the discussion can be of benefit to those of you who are not in my OMTL group, as well.

The fundamental principle for Bible study is for scripture to interpret scripture. Using this principle, another verse that must be included in this discussion is Ephesians 2:19:
So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,

In this context and in the passages mentioned above, an alien is someone who lives in a place without the rights of citizenship. Practically speaking, what does this mean? If you or I went to say, Paris, and we got into legal troubles there, where would we turn? We would call or go to the American Embassy, the place where our government can provide representation for us in a foreign land.

Likewise, as aliens on earth and citizens of heaven. whom do we ultimately call on for help, and from where are we ultimately governed? God, and heaven! We don't have to rely merely on mortal men to meet our needs. Psalm 33:20 says, "Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield."

Unfortunately, most of us live our daily lives as if our citizenship is right here on earth. We strive and worry and plan and maneuver and manipulate. Citizens of heaven bring their cases before the Lord and have Him mediate and operate on their behalf. In fact, I John 2:1 tells us that Jesus Christ is our advocate. It's as if we had our own personal legal counsel seated at the right hand of God!

Having confidence in our citizenship and understanding who we are in Christ and that His Spirit dwells in us sets us free to live on this earth in a way that only citizens of God's kingdom can live. We can love those who don't love us. We can forgive because we are forgiven. We are able to keep no record of wrongs. We can treat people the way we want to be treated rather than as they treat us. We can repay evil with good. Christians who really live in accordance with the teachings of Christ will stand out and be different and demonstrate that their citizenship is indeed in heaven.

New Bible Reading Plan

I was doggedly making my way through the Old Testament, and had gotten through I Samuel, when I discovered a new Bible reading plan last week. I couldn't wait to try it, so I plunged in a few days ago. I planned to share it with you after I had put some more time into it, but I'm so excited about it, I couldn't wait, so here it is.

It is called Professor Grant Horner's Bible Reading System. You can read it here, and you can download it here. There is also a Facebook group here with more than 9,000 members! Horner is a literature professor at The Masters College near Los Angeles. He began reading his Bible daily as a new believer in 1983, and he gradually developed this system. Even if you have a plan you are happy with, you should read his plan for the testimony alone. However, I still encourage you to give it a try. Horner says to try it for thirty days, and he guarantees that you will see that you have been starving yourself for the Word of God.

Don't let the thought of reading ten chapters a day scare you! It takes me less than thirty minutes to read ten chapters, so if you are a slower reader, it shouldn't take you more than 45 minutes or so. Horner says it should take an hour at the most. If any of you care to join me, leave a comment so we can encourage each other in our journey together!

Why We Eat the Lord's Supper

This evening, our church is observing the Lord's Supper. This morning in class, we are going to discuss this ordinance, its establishment, its significance, and how to prepare for it. Following are some resources from John Piper you will find helpful.

Why We Eat the Lord's Supper, Part I

Why We Eat the Lord's Supper, Part II

Why We Eat the Lord's Supper, Part III

The Ministry of Rebuke

The following posts relate to our recent class discussion on confronting sin within church.

The Ministry of Rebuke: Part I

The Ministry of Rebuke: Part II

The Ministry of Rebuke: Part III

A Thirteen Year Lesson in Humility

I started walking with God in the autumn of 1994. Nearly three years later in August 1997, my husband and I, who had been married for two years, went on a mission trip with a group from our church to Mexico City. Our primary purpose was to assist a small evangelical church in Milpa Atla with a construction project. In addition, the pastor who was leading the trip asked us to select a passage of scripture to study and meditate upon while we were there. I chose Philippians chapter two, and I brought along the book, Humility, by Andrew Murray. I was going to focus on humility.

In retrospect, it's hard for me to believe that I even recognized my need for it at that point in my life. It was clearly by the grace of God. I also know now that an intellectual understanding of humility cannot possibly produce it. It is borne out of experience. Thirteen years later, after experiencing unhappy work circumstances, two miscarriages, motherhood and all its challenges, depression, and much heartache, I am finally in the position to learn humility. The prerequisite appears to be to have been broken times beyond measure.

All of this has become clear to me upon reading Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney. I completed it on Sunday evening, and it is one of the best, most practical books on Christian living I have ever read. I really want you to read it for yourselves, so I don't want to give too much of it away, but among Mahaney's suggestions for weakening pride and cultivating humility is for you to begin your day by acknowledging your dependence upon God and your need for God. This is something I had already been doing for some time, and not just in the morning but all throughout the day as well.

One thing I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt in the 13 years since I first undertook the study of humility is that without Christ, I can do nothing (John 15:5). I am under no delusion that there is anything good in me or that I can accomplish anything of value apart from Him. I know now that the cross of Christ alone makes my life possible and knowing God, serving God, and growing in my relationship with Him are the only ultimate goals worth pursuing.

This is not to imply that I have arrived spiritually. In fact, the remainder of this post is not what I originally wrote in my journal. After I finished the entry last evening, I began reading Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller, and I was nailed by God for the blatant idolatry in my life. Looking back now over what I had written appears super-spiritual and disingenuous. According to Mahaney, humility is "honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness." He also makes the case that God is drawn to humility, that it "draws the gaze of a sovereign God." Far be it from me then to give the appearance of thinking more highly of myself than I ought (Romans 12:3).

It all boils down to this. I have been saved from hell and the penalty of sin. On top of that I have been given spiritual gifts and the opportunity to serve God in ministry—in spite of being completely undeserving. I have also been blessed with material wealth in excess of what the vast majority of the people in the world have been given. I have a faithful, loving husband who is a good provider. And I have two beautiful, healthy, intelligent children. I have godly friends who listen to me and encourage me in my walk with Christ. To think that what I have been given isn't enough is the height of arrogance. Lord, forgive me for my ungrateful heart and for not trusting in Your provision. I long for your gaze upon me.

When I Don't Know What to Do

Not as good as Philip Williams, but it was the best I could find...

The Difference Between Knowledge and Wisdom

I noticed that several of you have been asking for prayer to be faithful to be in God's Word on a regular basis. I'm so encouraged by that! Here's a great short post on wisdom and knowledge and renewing your mind.

More Insight on I Corinthians 5

In class Sunday, we had a good discussion on I Corinthians 5, and we briefly tried to hash out what it means to judge rightly within our fellowship. Yesterday, I found this article, which gives additional insight as to why judgment is necessary in the first place. We do ourselves a disservice by not being accountable to other believers who we know love us and want us to grow in our relationship with Christ.

To Serve is to Suffer

I read this article in Christianity Today and felt compelled to share it with you. We have such unrealistic expectations as to what our Christian lives in this world should be like!

Radical Revisited

On Sunday, June 13, I posted my Radical Plan, and in the weeks that followed, I didn't live up to the standard I set for myself. Therefore, I decided to read the book again and start over. I finished the book yesterday, and I am as committed to it as ever. However, the past several weeks have demonstrated that it is going to be harder than I thought it would be. Not for lack of enthusiasm, but due to ingrained habits and patterns of thinking and behaving that will take a good bit of prayer and effort to overcome. In those weeks, the challenges that were hardest for me were giving up luxuries and praying for the nations on a daily basis.

What is a luxury?
I kept asking myself that question, and as I did I rationalized several purchases that I should have forgone. By the world's standards, my whole life is luxurious. Therefore, I had to determine what is a luxury for me. What makes it even harder is that I don't have that many indulgences any more—at least not compared to most women in my demographic. I'm not a shopper; I had already committed to not making any more hobby-related purchases; And the only personal care luxury I occasionally indulged in was a pedicure. I'm not ready to consider a decent haircut a luxury, and I gave up coloring my hair months ago.

When I need clothing, I like to buy good quality items that I can wear for a long time. I'm not overly fashion conscious. (Been there. Done that.) I could spend less on my clothing, but then I would have to shop more frequently, so I feel like from a financial standpoint, it balances out. It is a rare occasion when I go out and buy I new outfit for an "event." I didn't even buy a new dress for my twenty-year reunion a few years ago!

My greatest indulgence at this point in my life is books, and I know better than to attempt a moratorium on book buying. Therefore, my goal is to only allow myself to purchase books that will contribute to my spiritual growth, and to purchase them only if they are not available from the library OR if I think it is likely that I would want to share them or read them again. No novels, biographies, or cookbooks! I can get all of those from the library. Besides, I have plenty at home that I haven't even read yet!

I've given up professional pedicures, and I'm going to spend more conservatively on cosmetics and personal care items. I'm going to try not to purchase clothing. However, I've been losing weight, so I've already had to buy a few items, but from now on, I'm going to try to have as many items as possible altered. Finally, I'm going to eat out much less frequently. I could write a whole post on that one!

In addition to all of this, as I have time, I'm going to go through each room in our house and purge as much as possible. Emotionally this isn't that hard for me, as it is something that I tend to do anyway on a regular basis, and I am not sentimental. At this stage in my life, finding the time will be the challenge. I did manage to clean out my daughter's room last week while she was away at my mother's house, and it was very satisfying. We all have so much, and it is such a waste!

Finding Time to Pray More
The second area that I failed in during the first weeks of my Radical Experiment was praying for the nations. I ordered the Operation World prayer guide, and I love reading through it, but sitting down every day for the time it takes for me to pray through an entry is extremely challenging for me. I have already for some time been burdened by the desire to pray more for extended periods of time and to intercede on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ, not to mention my own family, so adding an additional prayer focus area makes me feel overwhelmed. A morning "quiet time" is not enough. I'm lifting this up to the Lord and asking Him for direction. For now, I'm leaning towards scheduling for myself a weekly extended prayer time, but I don't yet know when or where it will be.

So there you have it—my heart and my struggles so far in following my Radical Plan. My hope is that this doesn't discourage you from attempting it, but rather, that it would spur you on as you see that by God's grace it can be done. In fact, that is the only way it can be done and the only reason that there is for doing it.

The Spiritual Society

I almost forgot about this. I read it on July 12, and wanted to share it with you. It complements our discussions on the church we have been having in our study of I Corinthians. It's from My Utmost for His Highest, and it will only take a few minutes to read.

Self-Examination

I wrote the following post in my journal on July 3, and I'm just now getting around to posting it. I do SO want to share things here more frequently, and I hope to do so in the not too distant future.

A few weeks ago in class, I referred to my "period of disobedience," and one of the class members asked, "How to you know you were being disobedient?" It is an excellent question because during that time in my life I sincerely thought I was doing what God called me to do. Why looking back on it now do I see it as disobedience? The question deserves an honest answer, and I have been thinking about how to respond ever since the question was posed.

The first thing I settled on were the things in which I was unquestionably obedient:

1. I loved God and desired to grow in my relationship with Him.
2. I ultimately put my family before myself.
3. I attended church faithfully and never gave up on worship.
4. I grew in my desire for spiritual things and in my distaste for worldly things. This was to a certain extent due to what I exposed myself to: no television, no popular music, no R-rated movies, etc.
5. I dedicated myself to raising my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
6. I served the church in a variety of ways as I was called on to do so.

Next, I examined areas of unquestioned disobedience.

1. I did not seek God as I could have done based on the time available to me. I should have spent more time in prayer and in the Word.
2. I often placed my own wants and needs above those of my family members.
3. I didn't serve others based on the time and means available to me. I often thought of serving others such as in sending notes or preparing meals, but I rarely followed through,
4. I didn't nurture my spiritual gifts. My gifts necessitate even more Bible study and related reading than required in #1.
5. I did not make the most of my time. I often spent hours online in a miserable trance I knew I needed to break, but I would keep sitting there seemingly powerless to do anything about it. I lost myself in other people's pleasures and pursuits and rarely followed through on my own.

It's been nearly two weeks since I began making these mental lists, and even after making them I still couldn't answer the question: Was I in rebellion? But as I was studying today, I found the sermon I posted about here, and as I read it, I was set free from the need to answer the question.

No, I clearly did not press on to maturity as I could have done, but is that an unrealistic expectation for someone who was, in retrospect, clinically depressed? And if I was clinically depressed, was it not by the sovereignty of God? And if God is sovereign over spiritual maturity, did He not allow all of the good and the bad in my past to accomplish His purposes?

The unexamined life is not worth living, but endless examination is unnecessary and counterproductive. My past experiences have driven me to the cross and are being used by God. That is all that matters.

Are You Desperate for God?

I read this post this morning. It dovetails nicely with my rereading of Radical. More on that soon.

Pressing on to Maturity

Tomorrow in class we will be discussing I Corinthians chapter three and spiritual maturity. Here is an excellent sermon by John Piper explaining our role and God's role in the process.

On Being Radical

A few weeks ago during a sermon, our pastor mentioned Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt. He actually said NOT to read the book. It would "mess with you." I think that's true for people for whom Christianity is just one compartment of their lives (If that's really possible...Ahem.), but for those of us who are sold out and committed disciples of Jesus, it is a challenge for us to step it up a notch and live our lives in a manner consistent with Jesus's teaching in the Gospels and the example of the church in Acts.

In a nutshell, Platt makes that case—which is not difficult to do—that the church today doesn't look any different from the world around us and that we have applied worldly principles to the operation of our churches. He writes:

I am convinced that we as Christ followers in American churches have embraced values and ideas that are not only unbiblical but that actually contradict the gospel we claim to believe. And I am convinced that we have a choice.

You an I can choose to continue with business as usual in the Christian life and in the church as a whole, enjoying success based on the standards defined by the culture around us. Or we can take an honest look at the Jesus of the Bible and ask what the consequences might be if we really believed him and really obeyed him.

The majority of the book is focused on taking an honest look at the Jesus of the Bible and at believers who have lived consistently with His teachings. The last chapter is a challenge for the reader to test the claims of the book. It's called The Radical Experiment. Platt says:

I invite you to see if radical obedience to the commands of Christ is more meaningful, more fulfilling, and more gratifying than the American dream. And I guarantee that if you complete this experiment, you will posses an insatiable desire to spend the rest of your life in radical abandonment to Christ for his glory in the world.

The challenge is for one year, and it consists of five components. He dares the reader over the next year to...
1. pray for the entire world
2. read through the entire Word
3. sacrifice your money for a specific purpose
4. spend your time in another context
5. commit your life to multiplying community

When I finished the book last Sunday afternoon, I committed to the experiment, and I prayed for God's grace to complete it. You see, I've made grand plans and commitments before, and I haven't kept them. I don't want that to happen this time. In fact, as I shared in class this morning, I prayed some months ago that I was tired of making mud pies! I think this commitment is the beginning of the answer to that prayer. For the purposes of accountability and for reasons that will become clear as I continue, I'm going to share my plans for the challenge here.

1. Pray for the World.
The plan is simple. I followed Platt's suggestion and ordered the Operation World book. It is a prayer guide to the nations that is an atlas of sorts providing information about Christianity around the world and specific prayer requests based on circumstances. It is dated so that you simply go to the page for today's date and pray for the featured province or country.

2. Read through the entire Word.
I am going to make a confession here. With all of my study and commitment to knowing God's Word, I have not yet managed to read through the entire Bible from beginning to end. I cannot count the number of times I have read Genesis and Exodus! I have read through the New Testament many times. I have bought one-year Bibles, 90-day Bibles, chronological Bibles—you name it, I have tried it. I had gotten most of the way through Numbers in The Message when I made this new commitment. I decided rather than continuing on, I would start over again in my new ESV Bible. (Edited 6/14/10: The Spirit has been prodding me that I don't have to start over, so I'm going to continue on reading in The Message.) As I said, by the grace of God, I'm going to do this!

3. Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose.
There is actually more to it than that. He makes the point that our hearts follow our money, and he suggests that experiment participants forgo luxuries for a year for the purpose of giving sacrificially to a gospel-centered, church-focused, tangible need that you can personally serve alongside.

I am praying for God's direction as to what ministry I should give money to, but giving up luxuries is for me a no-brainier. I know this is something that I need to do because of my personal struggles. In fact, even since I made the commitment, I made a couple of purchases that, after the fact, I realized, I didn't really need. They were in reality luxuries. By God's grace, I will continue to improve in my efforts to meet this particular challenge.

4. Spend you time in another context.
I have no idea how I'm going to do this. It is a God-sized task. I work full-time in a brand new ministry, and I have a family with young children. I don't know how I'm going to fit in a mission trip, but I serve a God of miracles, and I have placed this one in His hands!

5. Commit your life to a multiplying community.
In explaining this challenge, Platt says,

...look for the best avenue within [your] community of faith to be about making disciples. In the church I pastor, this happens primarily through small groups...Jesus placed a fundamental priority on disciple-making relationships, and such relationships cannot play a merely supplemental part in our Christian lives.

My small group is my Sunday school class, and this is the group to whom I am committing. I have been faithful to be prepared to teach on Sunday mornings, but I have not given of myself to the individual members of my class as I have wanted to—much less in a Christ-like manner. I have intended to make more phone calls, send more notes, make meals, etc., and I have failed miserably in this. So again, by the grace of God, I am going to "commit [my] life to a people who need [me] and whom [I] need." The individualistic nature of the American dream has caused us to devalue community and subsequently the Body of Christ, and I am as guilty as anyone in this. I am one of those people who is often happiest by myself, but this is not God's design for His church, and I want to please Him.

So there it is, written for the world to see, so to speak. Please pray for me as I embark on this experiment that God would give me success and that I would find a satisfaction in Him that I have never known before. I encourage you to join the experiment too.

Share Your Faith

Through work this week, I was made aware of a great online evangelism resource. It's a program called ACT111, and it can be completed online in four twenty minute sessions. I downloaded the materials this afternoon, and I love them! You can register online and complete the training for free. You need to be able to print your materials, so if your printer isn't functional, ask a friend or family member to print them for you. If you are familiar with the Evan Tell ministry and the ACT111 program, please leave a comment and share your testimony.

What Faith Can Do

The following song was a great blessing to me in the fall during an intense period of struggle. Really listen to the words.

Wisdom from a Former Prodigal

A friend of mine recently shared this article with me. It's by John Piper's son, Abraham, a former rebel. Read it, and be encouraged today!

Understanding the Cross and the Gospel

Ever since our review of the gospel on Easter Sunday, I have been intending to write this post. Our discussion this morning motivated me to follow through.

For those of you who were not with us, we deviated from the lesson plan and spent most of our time discussing holiness, especially as it pertains to raising our children with convictions about sexuality purity and integrity. What we did not spend time discussing was the motivating factor, the cross. Our understanding and appreciation of what Jesus has done for us is what motivates us to live holy lives that are set apart from the world.

As for our children, we must (1) set a Biblical standard that we will live by within our homes; (2) Uphold that standard without unnecessary discussion and debate; (3) Conduct ourselves in a manner consistent with the standard; (4) And pray that God would change the hearts and minds of our children and make them disciples of Jesus.

Over the next several weeks in class, we will cover Mark 14 through 16, and I will do my best, by the grace of God, to present the Gospel in a way that motivates us all to a higher standard. In addition, I strongly recommend that you read the following books. Some of them are available from our church library.

1. Living the Cross Centered Life by C. J. Mahaney. If you only read one book, make it this one. It is short and to the point but will still have a tremendous impact on your faith.

2. The Gospel for Real Life by Jerry Bridges. Bridges teaches how the Gospel doesn't just save is from hell but is essential for daily progress in holiness.

3. Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges. This is the book God used to correct my doctrinal misconceptions about the Gospel and to draw me to Himself.

4. The Great Work of the Gospel by John Ensor. I loved this book so much, I gave a copy away here on the blog last month. Ensor's experience in the pregnancy center movement motivated him to write this book.

I challenge you to read these four books, along with the Gospels, and the letters to the Romans. the Galatians, and the Ephesians, and pray that God would increase your appreciation of the Gospel and your love for Jesus so that you are motivated to be holy as He is holy (I Peter 1:13-16).

Matthew 23 from The Message

The past two weeks we have been looking at the sins of the religious establishment outlined in Mark 12. Today, we read some of Matthew 23 for the more detailed presentation of Jesus's accusations against the Pharisees and scribes. Read Matthew 23 in The Message to get a better understanding of the passage.

Matthew 23 from The Message

Religious Fashion Shows

^1-3 Now Jesus turned to address his disciples, along with the crowd that had gathered with them. "The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God's Law. You won't go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don't live it. They don't take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It's all spit-and-polish veneer.

^4-7"Instead of giving you God's Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules, loading you down like pack animals. They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn't think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called 'Doctor' and 'Reverend.'

^8-10"Don't let people do that to you, put you on a pedestal like that. You all have a single Teacher, and you are all classmates. Don't set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do. Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do. No one else should carry the title of 'Father'; you have only one Father, and he's in heaven. And don't let people maneuver you into taking charge of them. There is only one Life-Leader for you and them—Christ.

^11-12"Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

Frauds!

¹³"I've had it with you! You're hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds! Your lives are roadblocks to God's kingdom. You refuse to enter, and won't let anyone else in either.

¹⁵"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned.

^16-22"You're hopeless! What arrogant stupidity! You say, 'If someone makes a promise with his fingers crossed, that's nothing; but if he swears with his hand on the Bible, that's serious.' What ignorance! Does the leather on the Bible carry more weight than the skin on your hands? And what about this piece of trivia: 'If you shake hands on a promise, that's nothing; but if you raise your hand that God is your witness, that's serious'? What ridiculous hairsplitting! What difference does it make whether you shake hands or raise hands? A promise is a promise. What difference does it make if you make your promise inside or outside a house of worship? A promise is a promise. God is present, watching and holding you to account regardless.

^23-24"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

^25-26"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.

^27-28"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds.

^29-32"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You build granite tombs for your prophets and marble monuments for your saints. And you say that if you had lived in the days of your ancestors, no blood would have been on your hands. You protest too much! You're cut from the same cloth as those murderers, and daily add to the death count.

^33-34"Snakes! Reptilian sneaks! Do you think you can worm your way out of this? Never have to pay the piper? It's on account of people like you that I send prophets and wise guides and scholars generation after generation—and generation after generation you treat them like dirt, greeting them with lynch mobs, hounding them with abuse.

^35-36"You can't squirm out of this: Every drop of righteous blood ever spilled on this earth, beginning with the blood of that good man Abel right down to the blood of Zechariah, Barachiah's son, whom you murdered at his prayers, is on your head. All this, I'm telling you, is coming down on you, on your generation.

^37-39"Jerusalem! Jerusalem! Murderer of prophets! Killer of the ones who brought you God's news! How often I've ached to embrace your children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you wouldn't let me. And now you're so desolate, nothing but a ghost town. What is there left to say? Only this: I'm out of here soon. The next time you see me you'll say, 'Oh, God has blessed him! He's come, bringing God's rule!'"

Louie Giglio's Video on Laminin

Here's the laminin video I mentioned in class. Be sure to watch the whole thing!

Peace and Power

"Our sanctuary is the throne of God. That is where we find peace and power. That is where we find the confidence to go where God wants us to go and do what God wants us to do. The more time you spend kneeling before the throne the more peace and power you'll have. Period."
—Mark Batterson, Evotional.com

You can read the entire post here.

Bearing Fruit

My fruit is better than gold, even pure gold,
And my yield better than choicest silver.
Proverbs 8:19

We've been talking about bearing fruit in class the past two Sundays, and as I was reading in The Cost of Discipleship last night, I came across the following passage that I think you will find helpful.

In the world there are "the works of the flesh," in the Church, "the fruit of the Spirit" (Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:9). What does fruit mean in this context? There are many works of the flesh, but only one fruit of the Spirit. Works are done by human hands, fruit thrusts upward and grows all unbeknown to the tree which bears it. Works are dead, fruit is alive, and bears the seed which will bring forth more fruit. Works can subsist on their own, fruit cannot exist apart from the tree. Fruit is always the miraculous, the created; it is never the result of willing, but always a growth. The fruit of the Spirit is a gift of God, and only he can produce it. They who bear it know as little about it as the tree knows of its fruit. They know only the power of him on whom their life depends. There is no room for boasting here, but only for an ever more intimate union with him. The saints are unconscious of the fruit they bear.

Thank you for your kind comments and emails regarding my last post. I will continue blogging. My prayer is that what I produce here will be fruit rather than works of the flesh. I love you all!

Thinking Out Loud on Blogging

My giveaway and the response to it has caused me to think a lot about blogging. My heart in having the giveaway and promoting it as I did was to give as many people as possible the opportunity to win a book that I have come to consider essential reading for every Christian. In addition, the reason bloggers have giveaways is to ascertain who is reading their blogs. Based on my experience here, I must conclude that not many people are actually reading this blog, and among those who are reading it, very few have taste in books similar to mine. I also know that some people are simply busy and can't be bothered. I understand that.

I have done a good bit of blogging over the past several years, and I have never been very successful at it. Success in the blogosphere is measured via comments, and even my most popular posts on my other blogs have rarely numbered comments in the double-digits. I didn't necessarily expect that here, but I must admit I am disappointed.

I imagine that some people think it is the height to arrogance for someone to write something down and assume that other people want to read it. People who think that way are clearly not writers. Writers write because they cannot help themselves, and if they feel they have written something entertaining or interesting or profound, they feel compelled to share it. It is like having a spiritual gift and being naturally motivated to use it. Those of us who are prophets and teachers as well as writers are even more inclined to share because that is inherent in our gifting. When we learn something from God, we want to tell others about it. We are excited and motivated, and we want others to share the experience. When people don't respond as we hope, it is disappointing.

I will admit that with my other blogs, I wrestled with aspirations of popularity. I promoted those blogs and worked to generate reciprocal comments. When I started this blog, I had no such ambitions. It was simply a way for me to communicate with and encourage my class members and to supplement what we cover on Sundays. I shared the fact that I was blogging again with others who I knew had read my other blogs and had responded positively to my past efforts. But beyond that, I simply posted as I was inspired to do so.

At some point, I allowed some of the feedback I received and my natural performance mentality to distract me from my original intent, and I started doing a little self-promotion, which led to the giveaway and the declaration that I would start blogging more regularly with more original content. I even presumed to ask for feedback. All of this was nearly totally ignored, with the exception of a few faithful friends who love me despite my faults and did not want me to be disappointed.

I don't know why I allowed myself to fall into this trap. If I've learned one thing in recent months, it is to "Be still and know that He is God." (Psalm 46:10) If God wants it to happen, it will happen. All I have to do is be obedient. And as far as this blog is concerned, obedience is posting as I feel inspired in an effort to encourage and edify my Sunday school class members. The next time I want to give away a book, I'll bring it to class and have a drawing there.

Getting Out of Bed to Serve the Living God

As I was going through the flagged passages in the library's copy of The Great Work of the Gospel so I could highlight them in my new copy, I came across the following passage:

We began as guilty sinners, living empty lives, and through the sanctifying power of his Spirit and belief in the truth, God washes, heals, molds, and spurs us on to a place where we wake up every day of our lives with the highest of all purposes for getting out of bed. We serve the living God!

A shorter time ago than I care to admit, I struggled to get out of bed every day. I got up just in time to get my children to school without being tardy, and I drove them there in my bathrobe. I often would come home and go back to bed because I was so tired and depressed.

The past several years have been a very difficult season in my life. I have had a number of health problems that contributed to depression and the enemy took full advantage of it. I was searching for and seeking God's will for my life with an understanding that God had a calling for me, but I wasn't sure what it was, and I didn't understand why He was taking so long to reveal it to me. (I'm already 40 for goodness sake!) At the same time, I knew there was a disconnect between my knowledge of the Word and my ability to live out what I knew, and I didn't like it one bit.

Last fall, during a Bible study my husband and I were doing, God spoke to my heart as I was reading the following passage:

And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
—Isaiah 58:10-11

At this point in my life, I was praying about going to work with Rachel's House, and it was becoming pretty clear that it was God's will for me to do it. I was struggling with it because God really took me by surprise. I had been aware of the establishment of Rachel's House from its inception, and I never considered myself for the position of director. I had other visions for what God was calling me to do. I was just leaving the timing and specifics up to Him.

So as I was reading Isaiah 58, I felt God communicate to me that working at Rachel's House would be giving myself to the spiritually hungry and afflicted or troubled. And as a result, He would restore my strength and lighten my darkness or depression. I was encouraged, but not convinced. It was some weeks before I completely surrendered to God's calling on my life. As I told my fellow choir members last week, the result has been personal revival.

What was key to this revival? Two very simple, but very difficult things:
(1) I came to the end of myself. Instead of praying for God to increase my faith, I prayed "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." Instead of asking God to help me with a struggle, I told Him I was utterly incapable of doing anything about it, and I asked Him to effect change in me. Instead of focusing on my sin, I focused on the One who paid the penalty for it.
(2) I stepped out in obedience and trusted that God knew better for me than I knew for myself. Up to this point, it was something that I knew intellectually, but now I've experienced it. God choose for me very differently than I had chosen for myself, and He was absolutely right, of course.

I have been so blessed! I look forward to sharing more with you about His faithfulness.

My First Giveaway: A Book, Of Course

I loved The Great Work of the Gospel so much that I bought two copies—one for myself and one to giveaway here!

For a chance to win, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post before 6:00 PM EST next Tuesday, March 2. I will select a winner at random that evening and announce it in an addendum to this post. If you are not a member of my Sunday school class, please be sure to provide an email address so I can contact you if you win.

Since this is likely to be a high volume post for readers, now is a good time for me to communicate that it is my intention to try to post here on a more regular basis and to provide more original content rather than just quoting from books I've been reading. If you have any suggestions or requests, please include them in your comments. See this post for an explanation of the strike-through.

Edited to add: I have had several people tell me that they have not been able to leave comments. If you do not have a Blogger or Google account, under "profile," select "anonymous." However, be sure to leave your name within the content of your comment so I will know who you are!

Addendum, 3-3-10: Sorry I'm behind schedule! I was "under the weather" yesterday evening. I used the random number generator to determine the winner, and it is Michelyn! Thank you to everyone who left a comment!

Resurrection

One of the center directors at the conference I attended last week sang the song Resurrection by Nicol Sponberg. I was inspired to share it with you. Following is a video of the artist performing her song.

The Great Work of the Gospel

I attended the Georgia Pregnancy Centers Conference last week where the keynote speaker was John Ensor. In preparation for this event, I began reading his book, The Great Work of the Gospel: How We Experience God's Grace. Following is one of my favorite passages so far.

The heart of the Christian message has been and always will be that "Christ dies for our sins" (I Corinthians 15:3). But in spite of this, many remain hamstrung by their secret guilt and are living very shallow lives. Why is that? I suspect it is because they have nothing but a shallow understanding of the cross, and in many cases only a small appetite for learning more. Eyes roll at the mere mention of the words doctrine and theology. These are verbal sleeping pills for many. Yet at the same time, they suffer from the insomnia of guilt, anxiety, and powerlessness in their faith. They lack confidence and purpose and wonder why. Could it be that a shallow understanding of the cross is like an inoculation shot? It prevents us from getting the real thing—a full-blown case of sin-uprooting, praise-inspiring, life-altering faith in Christ based on the radical implications of his death on the cross.

First Corinthians 14:20 urges us, "do not he children in your thinking, Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature." That is what we must do. We must think a little more. Only a truth-soaked mind can reshape our opinions, attitudes, responses, and decisions. This is the awesome implication of the Jesus' words, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).

Ensor explains and illustrates the gospel in such a way that even mature believers will gain greater understanding of and appreciation for the cross. I highly recommend this book.

Bonhoeffer on Prayer, Part Two

In "Bonhoeffer on Prayer, Part One," the focus was on how to pray. Following are some of Bonhoeffer's thoughts on what to pray. (The following words are directly quoted from The Cost of Discipleship.)

The Lord's Prayer is not merely the pattern prayer, it is the way Christians must pray. If they pray this prayer, God will certainly hear them. The Lord's Prayer is the quintessence of prayer. A disciple's prayer is founded on and circumscribed by it. Once again Jesus does not leave his disciples in ignorance; he teaches them the Lord's Prayer and so leads them to a clear understanding of prayer.

"Our Father which art in heaven." ...they call upon a Father who already knows his children's needs. ... In the name of the Son of God they are privileged to call God Father.

"Hallowed be they name." God's name as Father...shall be kept holy among them.

"Thy kingdom come." God grant that the kingdom of Jesus Christ may grow in his Church on earth. God hasten the end of the kingdoms of this world, and establish his own kingdom in power and glory!

"Thy will be done, as in heaven so on earth." In fellowship with Jesus his followers have surrendered their own wills completely to God's, and so they pray that God's will may be done throughout the world. ...the evil will is still alive even in the followers of Christ, it still seeks to cut them off from fellowship with him; and that is why they must also pray that the will of God may prevail more and more in their hearts every day and break down all defiance.

God's name, God's kingdom, God's will must be the primary object of Christian prayer. Of course, it is not as if God needed our prayers, but they are the means by which the disciples become partakers in the heavenly treasure for which they pray. Furthermore, God uses their prayers to hasten the coming of the End.

"Give us this day our daily bread." As long as the disciples are on earth, they should not be ashamed to pray for their bodily needs. ...bread really comes down from above as the gift of God alone.

"Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors." Every day Christ's followers must acknowledge and bewail their guilt.

"Lead us not into temptation." ...the disciple is conscious of his weakness, and does not expose himself unnecessarily to temptation in order to test the strength of his faith. Christians ask God not to put their puny faith to the test, but to preserve them in the hour of temptation.

"But deliver us from evil." It is a prayer for a holy death and for the deliverance of the Church in the day of judgment.

"For thine is the kingdom..." The disciples are renewed in their assurance that the kingdom is God's by their fellowship in Jesus Christ, on whom depends the fulfillment of all their prayers. In him God's name is hallowed, his kingdom comes and his will is done.

Matthew Henry on Mark 9

In class this morning (thanks to Linda!) I read part of Matthew Henry's commentary on Mark 9. Following is a link to the complete passage. Henry's observations on salt are especially instructive.

http://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/matthew-henry-complete/mark/9.html

The Invisible Woman

A couple of months ago, Michelyn shared the following video with me. It was a GREAT encouragement to me, so I thought I would share it with you. The speaker is Nicole Johnson.

Give Me Your Eyes

In class tomorrow, we will be discussing how Jesus' view of the multitude in Mark 6 differed from that of the disciples. There is a great lesson for us in this, and as I was thinking about it, a song came to mind...

Give Me Your Eyes
By Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky.
Traced out by the city of lights.
My world from a mile high.
Best seat in the house tonight.
Touch down on the cold black-top.
Hold on for the sudden stop.
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos.
Are all those people going somewhere. Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second.
Give me your eyes so I can see.
Everything that I keep missing.
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the brokenhearted.
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Step out on the busy street.
See a girl and our eyes meet.
Does her best to smile at me,
To hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right.
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin time.
Are all those people going somewhere. Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second.
Give me your eyes so I can see.
Everything that I keep missing.
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted.
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

I've been there a million times.
A couple of million lives.
Just movin past me by, I swear I never thought that I was wrong.
But I wanna second glance,
So give me a second chance
To see the way you've seen the people all along.

Give me your eyes for just one second.
Give me your eyes so I can see.
Everything that I keep missing.
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted.
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

Give me your eyes for just one second.
Give me your eyes so I can see.
Everything that I keep missing.
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted.
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah

You can listen to the song here.

Bonhoeffer on Prayer, Part One

I have been reading The Cost of Discipleship for several months. It's the kind of book that you read a bit and then put it down for a while. There's a lot to digest. If the thought of reading this book is daunting to you, you should at least read the section "Of the Hidden Character of the Christian Life." The following passage is from Chapter 15, "The Hiddeness of Prayer."

We are privileged to know that he knows our needs before we ask him. This is what gives Christian prayer its boundless confidence and its joyous certainty. It matters little what form of prayer we adopt or how many words we use, what matters is the faith which lays hold on God and touches the heart of the Father who knew us long before we came to him.

Genuine prayer is never "good works," an exercise or a pious attitude, but it is always the prayer of a child to a Father. Hence, it is never given to self-display, whether before God, ourselves, or other people. ... Thus faith, which is the mainspring of Christian prayer, excludes all reflection and premeditation.

Prayer is the supreme instance of the hidden character of the Christian life. It is the antithesis of self-display. When men pray, they have ceased to know themselves, and know only God whom they call upon.

The essence of Christian prayer is not general adoration, but definite, concrete petition. The right way to approach God is to stretch out our hands and ask of One who we know has the heart of a Father.

True prayer does not depend either on the individual or the whole body of the faithful, but solely upon the knowledge that our heavenly Father knows our needs. That makes God the sole object of our prayers, and frees us from a false confidence in our own prayerful efforts.

Be encouraged today!